Dear Abby

Dear Abby,

I am a crack dealer in Beaumont, Texas, and have recently been diagnosed as a carrier of the HIV virus. My parents live in Fort Worth. One of my sisters lives in Pflugerville and is married to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Dallas.

I have two brothers: one is currently serving a life sentence at Huntsville for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other brother is presently in jail awaiting trial on charges of sexual misconduct with his three children. I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in Longview. She is now a part time ‘working girl.’

All things considered, my problem is this: I love my fiancé and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her.

Should I tell her about my cousin who supports Barack Obama for president?

Worried About My Reputation

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